The thoughts and feelings from someone living with long term depression
I want to go off grid, live off the land, bushcraft and survival skills. Like ray mears or bear grills (is that his real name?) Back to basics, I’ve never liked the city life. Never liked how everyone wastes things, throws things away when there’s nothing wrong with it, just a newer better one available.
I want to recycle, I want everyone to recycle!
And I’m really agitated cos I’ve only just remembered to take my medicine, I should have taken it 4 hours ago, its what’s stops me having panic attacks in the evening and at night. I think I need a diazepam.
Ok my dad just gave me 2, one for right now, and one if I need it later. Not allowed more because in the past I’ve taken too many.
So back to off grid. I think life was easier before all the stuff we deal with today. Make sure you have food, water, fire and shelter, what more do you need? I just need the skills. I want to walk into the wild with nothing and fend for myself. Start right at basics, with stone tools and work from there. A simple life, an active life. Just me against the world, literally. It’s one of my dreams, to escape, to disappear, to find my real home among the trees. I’d even eat rabbits if I had to.
But its only a dream, the closest I get is living in a tent once a year for a week, in a campsite that has everything you need. Food in the shop, hot running water for showers. I have so many dreams that I know will never come true. I should stick to the achievable ones like getting better… if that is even achievable.
I’ve been scratching my ezcema again. Ezcema is good for two reasons; 1. I can scratch it till it bleeds – which feels so good and 2. If I show people it, I get sympathy, even with all the scabs and weeping sores. Actually the worse it is the more sympathy I get, cos I say its cracked like that, so they never know its me.
Who even cares anyway.